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The Stretch-System
or
"The LawDawg Opines"
by
Benjamin T. Riddles, ll, Esquire
When at age 55 the marriage of 30 years
ended, my colleagues all told me: "You need to get involved in sports, a
hobby, something!" Okay. So I tried basketball, because in my youth I'd been
half-way decent. From the top of the key I started my patented left-side
drive against my much-younger partner, David, and fell to the floor with a
severely pulled muscle in my left leg. Humiliating, it was, crawling
off like that.
Then I tried Golf, the sport of old men
everywhere. I found that I could throw a nine iron 150 yards. Indeed,
I lost 10, count' em 10 golf balls, on a par three course. The only thing
left, the one sport at which I'd shown anything more than than half
proficiency, was pocket billiards. Dammit, I'd been decent, back then in the
60's, in the wake of the "The Hustler". So I went to the pool hall,
picked up a wall cue and fell in love with The Game again.
Honestly, I did okay at first, so well in
fact, that my friends in the pool hall suggested I take lessons. My ego
accepted this as a compliment. Then I went to a local tournament in Mobile,
and saw what real pool players, real tournament 9-ball players do. I would
have quit then, but I picked up a brochure on the way out: "Pool lessons
with Wade Crane." I'd never heard of him. But then everyone knew him by
his pseudonym (as the legend, the great road warrior, Wade Crane (alias) Billy Johnson),
and the legends flooded out. The only player to ever shoot a perfect score
in the U.S. Nine Ball Finals, against no less than Buddy Hall (whom I'd
never heard of either). (Funny how trial practice can isolate a man.)
So I started driving to Mobile, met and found
a best friend in Wade Crane. Wade's stories are the hysterical, histrionic
stories that only pro pool players can tell. Bu his greatest gift is
not the BS of the War Stories, nor even his fabulous playing credentials.
It is in his teaching. He so improved my game that I actually thought
about quitting my day job. But then reason prevailed, and so did my
run-out opponents here on the Gulf Coast. No, I'll stay a wanna-be
thank you very much. But I digress. One of Wade's biggest
contributions to my 57-year old game was introducing me to Mike Danner, and
his patented Stretch-System.
Mike, as you know, invented the
Stretch-System. He was confined to a wheelchair at the time, challenged and
compelled by the pastel colors of the balls, the green of the cloth to play
again. How long was he going to sit there, frustrated and unable to play?
Long enough to develop the desire, the necessity to play, that is the Mother
of All Inventions. His hungry mind and genius developed a solution that has
revolutionized the game. I don't mean it disrespectfully: But Mike Danner
invented the ultimate "crutch", if you will. You know the term "crutch," the
traditional bridge, the extension we all dread using so much. We fear using
the thing, plan our table routes not to need it. And when we inevitably fall
short and need it, we inevitably shudder: We'll be jacked up, throwing our
cue stick like a dart at the object ball, never secure that we'll be able to
realize our maximum stroke potential. Some of us --this Wanna-Be, anyway --
go so far to avoid its use that we find ourselves shooting way off balance,
miscuing, which in Pensacola Pool Rooms mean just one thing: Sell Out.
But from the first time you use the
Stretch-System, those limitations are overcome. With Mike Danner's marvelous
invention, we realize that we have a new reach, a new and unlimited
visibility, a level stroke, a power stroke that covers any length of table,
from the 7 Foot bar table, the 9 Foot Tournament table, to even a 12 Foot
Snooker Table. Nothing is out of your reach!
The first time I used it in a big game, there
were snickers as I drew it out of my case. Not Now! My adversaries want to
know where they can get their own Stretch-System. I've found a new
weapon. You can too. So forget about the $25,000 Balabushka. My guess is it
won't help anything but your creditors. Buy yourself the Stretch-System, by
Mike Danner: And for just over a hundred bucks, you can own the only really
new tool in two centuries of the Billiards Arts.
Respectfully Submitted to Wanna-Be's and
Professionals Everywhere,
Ben ("The LawDawg") Riddles
Law Office Of Benjamin T. Riddles, ll
20
E. Brainerd Street
Pensacola FL 32501
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